


Flammis Acribus Addictis

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Eyes like a lotus, First Meetings, Fluff and stuff, Gilmore's Glorious Goods, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Shaun Gilmore is not Caucasian, Sometimes Vax and Scanlon just make out it's totally not gay, Vax has a lot of feelings, Vaxmore, Wordy metaphors, bros being bros, deep talks with siblings, new love and uncertain feelings, stormcloud meets the desert rose, that butterfly stage, wink - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: How Vox Machina and Gilmore first met.OrThe Time Vax Nearly Drowned in Another Man's EyesVax knew early on he would have to find out on his own just what to do with this surplus of feelings he had...
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)
Series: A Glorious Retelling [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	Flammis Acribus Addictis

**Author's Note:**

> This NPC gives me life. And he deserved better.
> 
> For Gilmore's POV on this encounter, see [Mono no Aware](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247082).

Vax had never felt he deserved to be loved. Perhaps other children felt entitled to such things as affection and stability, but from an early age, they had not been part of Vax’ildan’s experience. His father had certainly never loved him. Them. 

The only love in Vax’s life had come from his twin sister. From the moment of their conception, Vex had been his everything. And being loved by Vex’ahlia had always been easy. Effortless. For Vex’s love came with no conditions; without him ever even having to ask. 

Asking for love wasn’t something Vax felt he would ever be able to do. 

It wasn’t that he was a creature of shadow, though shadows came as easy to Vax as breathing. They were a part of him, but he was not a part of them--not unless he chose to be. No, buried deep in the folds of his assassin’s cloak, Vax’s heart glowed bright, a sun obscured by stormclouds, radiant yet hidden. Vax’s heart was full of thunder and rain. And when the quiet of the shadows became too much for his thundercloud heart, the rain would spill over. 

In those endless, dull moments when he wasn’t applying his trade, Vax felt _everything_. His sister had always been able to control her feelings, but not Vax. His feelings were constantly spilling over, charging out of his mouth like a herd of wildebeest, trampling anyone in the vicinity. 

That was how he and Scanlan had become friends: Vax and his uncontrolled outbursts were one of few other things that could make Scanlan laugh. For Vax had learned, through months of careful observation, that though Scanlan laughed easily and often, for the most part, the primary person who made Scanlan laugh was Scanlan. He saw jokes where no one else did, and before anyone else did (and _when_ no one else did). Scanlan was terribly clever like that.

Still, the problem remained: Vax had a lot of feelings. And he rarely knew what to do with them. His sister was no help; though she was a good listener, she seemed to have far fewer feelings, and less advice to give him on what to do with his own. 

Vax knew early on he would have to find out on his own just what to do with this surplus of feelings he had. He read books. He watched mummers. He listened to storytellers. And he studied people--there was always time to watch people, that was part of his trade. Vax didn’t fully understand them, but he did observe what they did. 

After some time, he reached a troubling conclusion. As the stories went, and observation upheld, the thing people seemed to do with their surplus feelings was find a lover. A mate. A partner--and not just a sex partner for hire, as Grog and Scanlan did so frequently. No, the goal seemed to be to find a committed, long-term partner, with whom one could actually share one’s feelings. Also, kissing looked like it might be nice. 

Vax had only ever kissed his sister, and definitely not like that. She’d slapped him across the face the one time he’d dared to ask if he could try it. “That’s not what brothers and sisters do,” she’d told him firmly. And Vax had crept out the window to sleep on the roof in a sulk. If the one person he trusted in this world wasn’t going to let him practice, who would?

*

Scanlan. Scanlan would, Vax soon found. And after only a few pints, as well. Scanlan was a good kisser, but practicing with him only did so much for Vax. It was all well and good when he was drunk, but before long he was sober again, and Scanlan was just Scanlan once more. Charming gnome that he was, Scanlan didn’t make Vax feel that inner harp music research told him he should feel in the presence of the beloved. 

**

It had started as one of Vex'ahlia’s business ideas. Their entire lives, she’d never paid retail for anything, neither was it the first time she’d employed her brother’s pretty face in an attempt to get a discount. 

But this time was different. When the beautiful, umber-skinned man’s eyes met his own, Vax forgot words. So far beneath the surface of those eyes, like starlit pools, had Vax fallen, it had taken more than one (subtle) kick from Vex’ahlia for Vax to break the surface and start to breathe once more. Stupidly, his being dumbfounded seemed to have been entirely amusing to the shopkeep, and so Vex’ahlia got her discount after all, and with only minor damage done to the tatters that remained of Vax’s dignity. 

He still felt vaguely as if he’d taken a blow to the back of the head as Vax’s companions dragged him out into the street. It was as though his brain, unable to function as it should, had instead chosen to take a brief holiday by the sea, without so much as a note left behind. Whatever had just happened, it felt to Vax like a near-miss, and he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. Perhaps he was just ill. 

“Sister,” he glanced at Vex. “Do I look unwell to you?” He raised numb fingers to his cheek. “My skin feels hot.” 

She pressed her lips to his forehead the way their mother had done when they were small. “You do feel a bit feverish,” she said, looking uncertain. 

“I think our Vax is in love,” Scanlan declared, still wearing the same cheeky grin that had grown like a weed on his face the moment Vax had approached the flamboyant shopkeep what seemed like hours ago. 

“Uh-oh,” Grog grunted, knowing very little about the love between men. 

“Don’t worry, Grog,” Pike--who knew a great deal about the love between men and women, respectively. Clerics were often sequestered by gender, after all--reassured her childhood friend. “Love is a beautiful thing.” 

“Wait, someone’s in love?” Keyleth asked, her head temporarily emerging from the clouds at the mention of something so magical. Percy patiently tried to explain, but Keyleth had already stopped paying attention by the time he finished.

“I must say, he did look to be a very dashing fellow,” Tiberius added. “Not that I was looking,” he added hurriedly. “But if I had been, well…” Everyone tuned out the rest of his blustering with the ease of long practice. 

“If you say so, Pike,” Grog replied hesitantly. And she just smiled. 

Wait, were they talking about him? Vax had lost the thread of the conversation, his mind returning to twinkling dark brown eyes like lotus petals, and the full plum lips that distracted from them. 

*

That night, he sat on the ledge of the balcony that connected his room to his sister’s, and she right beside, curled against him. Together they watched a star pluck itself from the firmament and streak across the sky. “Make a wish,” Vex told him. 

“I wish we’ll be together forever,” he said, as he always did. 

“That’s not a wish.” She nudged him gently. “Because it’s a fundamental truth of our existence,” she said quickly, when he made as if to argue. “Non-negotiable.” 

Vax smiled, swinging his foot so that he gently kicked the back of her boot. “Well what was your wish, then?” he asked. 

“I wish for lots and lots of money,” Vex said with gusto. “I want to spend like a queen and never fear going to bed on an empty stomach again.” 

That last was a knife in his heart. Vax had not always been able to provide for his sister. In fact, he’d failed her far too many times. How she forgave him, he couldn’t fathom.

Pushing his Sysiphean guilt aside for a moment, Vax made her a most courtly bow--as courtly as he could without falling off the balcony. “My queen.” 

She shoved him. Hard. He nearly fell off the edge anyway. “Alright, I told you mine, so go on,” Queen Vex’ahlia demanded. “What’s yours?” 

Vax had to think about it. But it was hard to think. He didn’t like to do it if he didn’t have to. And Vax knew better than to want things. Wanting a thing had never done him a bit of good. He’d learned not to want things; it was easier. “I don’t know,” he told her honestly.

“Alright.” She could read his heart like a book, and knew what he meant without explanation. Vex took his hand in hers, which was impossibly cold, as always. “Then I’ll make a wish for you.” 

“Alright.” There she went, easing his burdens again. He didn’t deserve her. 

Vex’ahlia put her free index finger to her cheek, making a show of thinking. “My wish for you is...happiness. Yes. I wish for you to be happy. Truly.”

Vax looked at her in shock. “But I am happy. As long as I’m with you, I can never be unhappy.” He squeezed her hand, needing her to know.

“No, you’re not listening,” she leaned close, emphasizing the last word. “I didn’t say I wish you a life devoid of unhappiness. _I wish for you to be happy._ In the purest sense. Unmistakably. Deliriously.” She gestured with her free hand for emphasis.

“Well everyone’s sad sometime--” he began, but she put a finger to his lips. 

“I want you to find someone who makes you truly happy, Vax’ildan. We won’t be younglings forever.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vax asked, indignantly. 

His sister sighed. “It means we’ll have families of our own someday--and though we will always be together--of course we will--there will come a time when sharing a bed will become awkward for you and me.”

He looked at her, not comprehending. “Because there will be a husband between us,” she said, meaningly. 

“You really think he would mind me being there?” Vax asked, and she bopped him gently on the head. 

“ **I** would mind, idiot.”

“Ah.” It hurt. Vax had never thought of that before. They had spent so many years just surviving, he hadn’t given any thought to what would come after. 

“And who knows?” she joked on, sensing his mood. “Perhaps you will have a husband of your own, and resent me climbing into **your** marriage bed.” 

Vax sputtered and gasped. Did men even marry in Emon? Clearly he needed to do more research. 

Vex smirked, seeing she’d gotten him. “Scanlan says your technique is improving.” 

“Stop!” Vex yelped. “Why are you having this conversation with Scanlan?!”

“Brother dear, you know a conversation with Scanlan cannot be stopped once he gets it into his head to have one with you.” 

“Oh, _god_.” Vax hid his face in his hands, mortified. “I am not going to be happy...that way. Definitely not with Scanlan!” 

Her rich, dark laugh washed over him like a balm. “I was just teasing! What has you so on edge tonight, darling?” Her eyes rested on him as her keen mind attempted to suss out any secret that dared lie between them. 

“Was it...it wasn’t that man at the shop? Surely not. What was his name?”

“Gilmore.” It was out of his mouth before Vax could even think of it. He wished he could call it back and shut it tight behind the portcullis of his clenched teeth. 

Vex’ahlia’s smile was nothing short of diabolical. “Gillllmoooooore.” Vax cringed at the way she drew out each syllable. “Clearly we should do all of our shopping there from now on!” 

Vax hid his eyes behind one hand. “You’re just saying that because of the discount,” he groaned. 

“That’s true,” she said. “But even before the discount, it was clear he fancied you.” Crystal. So much so that she might have put a stop to the human’s shameless flirting with her brother if it hadn’t paid off quite so handsomely. 

“What?” Vax squawked, flailing himself nearly over the edge. She had to grip his shoulder until he regained balance once more. “Fancy me? He was just being kind...you know, good customer service. We were just...talking.” Vax knew it was a lie before he said it, but he felt compelled to explain away the man’s attentions. “Besides, we did spend a lot.”

Vex snorted a laugh. “The way his eyes rested on you, it was a wonder you didn’t burst into flames, dear brother.” 

“No, no. You’re just...stop teasing me. That’s not--” _His eyes like a lotus._ “It’s not funny, Stubby.” Vax mussed his hair, beginning to get truly distressed. 

And yet, she just laughed. 

“Go to bed!” Vax ordered her, unable to produce a counter argument. And when she continued to laugh: “I’m going to bed. I’m going!” And with that, he marched off, stiff-legged and prickly as a cat who’s just missed a jump before witnesses. 

“Love you, brother!” Vex called after him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. Why did they all delight in tormenting him so?

When he finally slept, Vax dreamed of bathing in dragon fire, the flames so hot his skin glowed. Yet the fire didn’t burn him.


End file.
